sometimes i wonder if i've taken the right paths. it's incredibly annoying to be a person plagued by indecision with regret right at its heels. examples:
have i really made the right call to pursue a career in music?
could i have lived life, albeit unhappily, as a doctor?
if i had called her when i should have, would we still be friends?
should i have left home when i had the chance?
did i mess it up by not telling him when it mattered?
am i really called to live life out here, or am i meant to 'go deeper'?
oh, i hope i'm doing this right.
27.12.07
5.11.07
Life After Disney
whew. our stint with the dso is finally over. after spending a huge chunk of my week at orchestra hall, i finally have a moment to catch my breath.
*inhale*
crap, no i don't. i have chamber practices to attend, band practices to arrange, lessons to teach, lessons to practice for, masses to play, people to call, and on top of all that, i have a major presentation this friday.
oof.
it's gonna be alright. just remember to breathe.
*exhale*
*inhale*
crap, no i don't. i have chamber practices to attend, band practices to arrange, lessons to teach, lessons to practice for, masses to play, people to call, and on top of all that, i have a major presentation this friday.
oof.
it's gonna be alright. just remember to breathe.
*exhale*
30.10.07
A Return
away for many moons i have been. randomly decide to post again i have.
lots of things have been on my mind lately, so much so that i shan't even bother trying to write with wit and finesse (not that i have been doing that anyway). fussing with such things might mar the overall effect i wanted the following confession to have.
as i said before, lots of things have been on my mind. but much of that cranial activity so to speak has been primarily centered on one thing.
well... one person, actually.
it's insane.
it's painful.
it's impossible.
yet i hope. i hope as i never hoped before.
tell me i'm crazy--crazy to expect someone to care after so many years; crazy to plan a dozen witty things i could say the next time we might cross paths; crazy to often wonder what he's up to, who he's with, whether i've ever crossed his mind even once since then.
nonetheless...
could you tell me i'm not crazy, that such things are possible? could you tell me this world is small enough that we could somehow meet again? could you tell me faithful love in the end is rewarded?
i know, i know. you can't. because the world is an evil [illegitimate child].
no no, i can't say that since the world was created for the good of man. but we do have to be realistic. i should move on. well.
i had my moment with him.
i have my memories.
i have a heart that can love.
for now... i guess that'll have to do.
*sigh*
lots of things have been on my mind lately, so much so that i shan't even bother trying to write with wit and finesse (not that i have been doing that anyway). fussing with such things might mar the overall effect i wanted the following confession to have.
as i said before, lots of things have been on my mind. but much of that cranial activity so to speak has been primarily centered on one thing.
well... one person, actually.
it's insane.
it's painful.
it's impossible.
yet i hope. i hope as i never hoped before.
tell me i'm crazy--crazy to expect someone to care after so many years; crazy to plan a dozen witty things i could say the next time we might cross paths; crazy to often wonder what he's up to, who he's with, whether i've ever crossed his mind even once since then.
nonetheless...
could you tell me i'm not crazy, that such things are possible? could you tell me this world is small enough that we could somehow meet again? could you tell me faithful love in the end is rewarded?
i know, i know. you can't. because the world is an evil [illegitimate child].
no no, i can't say that since the world was created for the good of man. but we do have to be realistic. i should move on. well.
i had my moment with him.
i have my memories.
i have a heart that can love.
for now... i guess that'll have to do.
*sigh*
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
